Time.

When you get down to it, it's time that matters. It's time that is relative. It's time that heals.

Almost twenty-five years ago, I was out on my early morning run in the incredibly beautiful foothills of Colorado, where I lived. I was new to the area, and daily gratitude and awe of its natural beauty encompassed me.

A few months before, I had learned that my father, in his late 70s, was terminally ill. My experience with this news is probably similar to that of many others. My dad was not one to give in or give up. He was in full control at all times, so I hadn’t thought much about his mortality. After all, we are all going to die—but somehow I thought, maybe not him.

We didn’t know how much time he had. Through treatments—too many, and too torturous—it turned out to be almost two years.

During that time, on my daily runs, I couldn’t help but contemplate what life was going to be like. The knowns and fixtures I had always counted on were no longer guaranteed. I tried to imagine how different everything would feel, but nothing prepared me. At the same time, I became the caretaker of my unstable and needy mother, which deepened the weight of it all.

After he died in the summer of 2002, I had a kind of epiphany. Perspective took hold, and I realized: it was time. Time helps. Time heals. My daily runs shifted from envisioning the “what if” to embracing the “what now.” I kept drawing inspiration from the mountains around me, and slowly I began to understand that time was my friend.

The lesson has stayed with me ever since. It’s not just “this too shall pass.” It’s: don’t waste a moment on the what if or the when. Live now. Do it deluxe.

In recent years, I’ve been guilty of slipping into regret, of wishing things were different, of worrying too much about what isn’t right or how I could be better. But today I can say: I am here. I am who I am. And best of all, I am happy with who I am.

If you don’t like me, my ideas, or what I say—no worries. Let me be. You can be who you want and think what you think, and I will do the same.

Now, as I round the corner into the later chapters of my life, I see more clearly than ever that it is truly about time. You don’t get that much of it. So don’t waste it trying to be what someone else wants. Don’t waste it just trying to please others. (That doesn’t mean being mean or hurtful—it means not losing yourself.) Take the pleasures life brings and dig deeply into them.

Because time is the one thing we can’t earn back, bargain for, or stretch. Every moment spent trying to be what someone else expects, or holding onto regret, is a moment lost. The only real power we have is how we choose to spend the time we’re given.

So don’t waste it. Live it. Lean into the people and experiences that light you up. Do the work that matters, the work that makes you proud. Take the trip. Say the words. Run the miles. Don’t wait for “someday”—because someday is already here.

In the end, it isn’t about how much time you had. It’s about how deeply you lived the time you were given.

I’ve been saying it for years, and I’ll say it again: time is the gift.