Navigating Perfectionism

Does it help or hurt the progress of our life journey?

Perfectionism has haunted me throughout my life. It seems it was the preferred option during my formative years. I grew up and thinking that being any other way was not acceptable. Then, I learned as a young adult, that perfectionism is not what it is about. It isn’t even a good thing. In raising my children, one who is more perfectionistic than the other, I discouraged it or rather, not actually encouraged it. I substituted working hard, doing your best, feeling good about it, and being happy with yourself and the results.

I realize that perfectionism is actually relative. Your perfect is not my perfect. The truth is there is always someone better, at least in some way. That truth is not a license not to try your best, be easily satisfied, or justify your own shortcomings. Often people criticize others to make themselves feel better or rationalize their own results. It comes down to something I have always thought. Competition for its own sake isn’t a good thing. The only competition that makes sense is the one your forge with yourself.

Currently, the focus is on effort. And effort is a good thing. There are some endeavors where effort is helpful but not enough. It takes some innate talent. And often talent isn’t enough. Talent needs to be developed and made into a capital asset.

You can’t be a great ballet dancer without the innate physical characteristics that are needed. Along with that is a sensibility and sensitivity, a drive and desire, and years of training. Being a ballet dancer or an opera singer is a niche that uses both talent and hard work. The discipline or development of a given attribute translates to other things. Maybe the degree is less, but the work, motivation and ability need to be there. All of that feeds perfectionism. Or does perfectionism feed these traits?

The true measure of achievement isn't about flawless execution, but about:

• Consistent effort

• Genuine commitment

• Personal growth

• Self-compassion

External competition often stems from insecurity and a need to validate self-worth through comparison. The most meaningful competition is the one you cultivate with yourself—a mindful, compassionate dialogue that asks:

• How can I be better than I was yesterday?

• What have I learned?

• How have I grown?

• Am I moving in a direction that aligns with my values?

I am tired of being too much of this, or not enough of that, or seemingly not connecting enough with the appropriate audience. It’s time to let go. Letting go of perfectionism doesn't mean lowering standards. It means creating a healthier, more sustainable approach to personal and professional development. It's about finding joy in the journey, respecting your own humanity, and understanding that true excellence emerges from genuine effort, resilience, and self-acceptance.

Oh, and then there’s fun. Do you love what you do? Look forward to each day? You can’t love everything you do. There is always grunge work, but it’s the perspective and the process. It truly is the journey and all the experiences you collect along the way.